Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize