Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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