You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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