U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
