now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
