Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
