I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
