She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
