Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
