the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
