that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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