I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
