the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
