im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
