i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
