How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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