Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
