I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize