He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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