I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I sprained my soul last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
