I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
