We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
