plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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