At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
