laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize