and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
