Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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