he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
