I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
