how can u be prego again
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
