I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
