I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize