"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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