Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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