I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Bring me that man meat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
