i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
