Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
