i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
