tell your sister to shave her snatch
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
