I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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