Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
