Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
