so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
