What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
