I have demons in me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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