Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
