She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
