I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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