I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize