So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he high fived his dick after we had sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
