we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize