I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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