Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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