So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
