he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
