Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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