After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I love you. Go after that dick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
