...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
