did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
