Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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