i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize