two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
