How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
