yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
