So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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