I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
