did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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