What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize